Fruits Basket Psyche Session!
by SunMoonAndSpoon
Summary: I bring the cast of Fruits Basket to an underground prison, to have a psychologist probe deep within their psyches to find hidden angst...okay, so I just mock them, and make them even more miserable then they were! Mwa ha ha ha! Please R&R, thanks! ^_^


Fruits Basket Psyche Session!  
  
By: Rei  
  
Rei 1: Welcome, one and all, to the Fruits Basket Psyche Session! What is a psyche session you ask? Oh...wait. You're not asking. That's just my pitiful little mind, imagining it matters enough to you readers. (If there are any.)  
  
Rei 2: ::Shoves annoying egoless self into oblivion.:: Okay, she's dead, for now anyway! For this little fic, I am strictly insane! Mwa ha ha ha! Bow down to me, oh virulent horoscope! @_@ Wait...what am I saying? Oh yeah, so a psyche session is when me and the psychologist of my choosing, probe the minds of some very unfortunate characters! We will uncover their hidden angsts and...okay we'll just mock them mercilessly and drive them insane. So far I've done this to some Digimon characters, and that's it. Since, although my Digimon obsession is a fond memory, I don't really watch it anymore, and the obsession is gone...well I'm obsessed with Furuba now, so it is the Souma's turn to suffer! Insert evil laughter here!!!! MWA HA HA HA!!!!  
  
  
  
Warnings: This will contain, er...serious character bashing. That's basically the point of this little ficcy. ^_^ So don't get mad if I'm mercilessly thrashing your favorite character, and driving him/her to the brink of insanity. Because I will. You have been warned.  
  
There are going to be MANY couples in here...namely Akitori, Kyoki, Ayagure, Momiru, and vague one-sided Yukiru, Kyogura, and Harutohru. Also a very slight mention of Rinaru. I may have forgotten something. ^^; I know it's not customary to name the couples as such, but I've written so many Digimon fics I'm used to it...you know everythings referred to be combining the names. Taito and all that. Anyway, it shouldn't be too hard tofigure out what couples I mean. ^^  
  
Also...these guys might be out of character, more then slightly. @_@ In humor its very difficult to keep them their spiffy selves, especially the more angsty ones...but I will try.  
  
Note: I'm on page eight of this monstrosity now, and parts of it are turning out to be angsty. So...angst and humor! Yay! Also...I make up angsts! Some of the things they tell the psychologist lady, or eachother, are not mentioned in the series at all. Why? Because I made them up!  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned this, I'd be the happiest little meatball in all the land! But I'm not a meatball, nor can I claim to be the happiest being in the land. (Though I am pretty happy lately, just bored.) Logically, I do not own Furuba.   
  
(Rei 1 and Rei 2 have been combined into one composite Rei! Whoo!)  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~   
  
Rei: Hello, my little pygmy marmosets! Are you ready to be tortured???? ::Is smiling REALLY hard.::  
  
Kyou: Hey, no one said ANYTHING about being tortured! I came for a free tee-shirt, and that's all! Now where's my tee-shirt?  
  
Rei: Tee-shirt? What...oh yeah! That tee-shirt! ^_^ ::Produces a small, pink, revealing baby-tee, that says, 'I love Souma Yuki' across the front.:: Here ya go, Yuki no koibito!  
  
Kyou: What? Yuki no koibito? I am not his lover!!!  
  
Yuki: Right! Nothing could be farther from the truth! ::Yuki is blushing profusely.:: I...hate him. Really...  
  
Kyou: I will not wear this!  
  
Rei: Oh yes you will! ::Rips Kyou's shirt off, throws it to fangirl's in audience, and forces him into the baby-tee.:: Awww...kawaii!   
  
Kyou: You...how did you...I...how did you do that? I could beat the crap out of you in a second, but you somehow forced me into the shirt! I don't get it...  
  
Yuki: It's obvious, baka neko. She's the author. As long as she's got a computer, or even a pencil and paper, she controls us like puppets. Unfortunately, she is not the supreme author, but rather, a fanfic writer. Being so, she is far more likely to kill us, as we are not her creation.  
  
Kyou: What the hell are you talking about?   
  
Yuki: Nothing you'd understand, baka neko.  
  
Kyou: Would you stop calling me that?!  
  
Yuki: No. Baka neko.  
  
Kyou: Can't you think of a more creative insult?  
  
Yuki: Oh believe me, I tried. And failed. Miserably. Baka neko.  
  
Rei: Awww...poor Yuki-kun is stupid!   
  
Yuki: I am not! Stupid author!  
  
Rei: ^_^  
  
Shigure: I have to admit, I'm kind of disappointed to be here...I was hoping the authoress would be more attractive...  
  
Rei: You calling me ugly?  
  
Shigure: Well, yes, but that's meant in the nicest way possible! ^_^  
  
Rei: And how is that nice?  
  
Shigure: Well...you've got a terrible personality to make up for it! See, its not so bad.   
  
Hatori: Shigure, you are making no sense, and I would like think you're smart enough not to enrage the author.   
  
Rei: Oh, I'm not enraged! ^_^ I'm happy as a clam because moo!  
  
Haru: Moo?  
  
Rei: Moo!  
  
Haru: Moo moo moo, moo moo, moo moo moo moo moo moo! Moo, moo moo moo moo! ::Clears throat:: Ack, excuse me. Blah, sometimes I mess up and speak like a cow. You guys know how it is.  
  
Kyou: Meow.  
  
Shigure: Woof woof!  
  
Yuki: Would you people knock it off?  
  
Momiji: Bunny sound!  
  
Yuki: Momiji...  
  
Tohru: Hey, hey guys, don't fight! Momiji was just being really kawaii, right Momiji-kun!  
  
Momiji: Yay! Tohru-kun thinks I'm cute!   
  
Haru: I think you're cute too, Momiji.  
  
Yuki: I thought you liked me...  
  
Haru: Things change, Yuki-kun. You scorned me. I like Momiji-kun now! ^_^  
  
Yuki: What about Rin?  
  
Haru: Rin? Fuck her. I don't like girls anyway.   
  
Yuki: You're a very fickle boy, aren't you?  
  
Haru: What, so now you want me to like you?  
  
Yuki: Well...yes...I like it when people like me...as long as I don't have to like them back, that is...  
  
Haru: Yuki, you've got a fanclub, do you really need any more attention?  
  
Yuki: Well...it's nice...  
  
Rei: HAHA!!! Yuki-kun's a hypochondriac!!  
  
Hatori: Rei, that has nothing to do with anything. I think you're confusing terms.  
  
Rei: Hehe, I mean histrionic! My brain melted in chlorine when I went in that pool last weekend! ^^;  
  
Hatori: I wouldn't say Yuki's histrionic...that means he does things to gain attention. And he doesn't do anything...  
  
Rei: Well glorious grapefruits will fall on your head! ::Several very large, very glorious grapefruits fall from the sky onto Souma Hatori's head.::  
  
Hatori: ...O_O...OWWWWW....  
  
Rei: ::Points at him.::   
  
Ayame: Tori-chan, are you okay? O_O ::Puts big band-aid on Hari's head:: All better! ^_^  
  
Hatori: Ayame, that didn't help at all, and actually just got my hair stuck to a band-aid, but thank you.  
  
Ayame: You're welcome! I am deserving of thanks, aren't I? Bow down to me!! Ha ha ha ha!   
  
Yuki: Get...down ego...  
  
Ayame: Yes, your ego is positively minuscule in comparison to mine, ototo-kun! And I have reason to believe that your genitals are also minuscule in comparison...  
  
Hatori: Ayame, will you shut up? It's very impolite to talk about your brother's...things.  
  
Ayame: It is? Really Tori-san? Well, then I'll stop, if Tori-san says it's rude...  
  
Yuki: Hatori, what do you do? How do you control him?  
  
Rin: Hey! Haru, what do you mean, fuck me!   
  
Haru: Took you that long to register what I said?  
  
Rin: Yes!  
  
Haru: ::Laughs:: Hehe, you stupid horse.  
  
Yuki: See, Haru's not creative with insults either!  
  
Kyou: Who cares?  
  
Yuki: No one...  
  
Hatori: Rei, I hate to ask, but...why did you bring us here? If there isn't any point, I'd like to go home. I left Akito alone and I don't like to do that...he might need me.  
  
Rei: Akito's not here!? ::Makes big stupid swimmy crying anime eyes, which look fucking demented on a real live person.:: You know what? I'll just transform myself into an anime stuff, so I can do this stuff without being creepy!  
  
Kyou: You're creepy anyway.  
  
Rei: Thank you! ^_^ ::Transforms into Furuba-style anime character. But the way I look will not be described...if I do I have to classify myself as attractive or not, which I cant, because two seconds later I'll change my mind and...yeah. So anyway!:: Why isn't Akito-kun here?? T_T I sent for him!  
  
Hatori: Akito is not well. I didn't think it was safe for him to attend, so he's at home.  
  
Rei: Aww, that makes me sad! I will zap him here now! ::Zaps Akito into random room deep in the bowels of the Earth. (That's where everyone is.)::  
  
::Akito has collapsed on the ground, and is moaning in pain, completely oblivious to his surroundings. He is also coughing up blood. ^_^::  
  
Rei: As much as I like suffering...I'd like to see you get mad later so...you're recovered! At least until it's time to go home! ^_^ Bet you never thought you'd see me do that! Seeing as I love diseases so much...  
  
Akito: I...I don't believe this...I feel...great! I have never ever felt like this, ever in my life! I'm completely healthy!  
  
Rei: ^_^ Something about your happiness angers me, but oh well! Y_Y You ish still my favorite character! You can have your health, for now! But once things go back to normal, you'll be twice as sick! ^_^ Isn't that great!?  
  
Akito: No, it's not great! You have no right to do that to me! Twice as bad?! I can't take that, I'd die!  
  
Rei: Oh, did I say twice as bad? I meant thrice! ^_^  
  
Akito: Thrice is not a word. And that is not fair.  
  
Rei: You like to emphasize words, don't you Aki-chan? You are soooo cute! ^_^  
  
Akito: Shut up!  
  
Yuki: You should listen to him, Rei, he can be really dangerous, and now that he's not sick...  
  
Rei: You forget, I've got omnipotent powers! ^_~ He only thinks he does!   
  
Akito: I am going to kill you!!!! I am Souma Akito! You cannot disrespect me!   
  
Rei: Is my last name Souma? No. Do you own me? No. Do I have temporary control of your life? Yes. I can inflict you with miseries even you cant imagine, Akito-kun! Like turning you into a purple-spotted rhinoceros going through a divorce and a root canal at the same time!   
  
Akito: You're right...I probably wouldn't have thought of that... -_-;;;  
  
Rei: Now, if only there was a way to do that, and still preserve your bishyness...see rhinoceroses aren't exactly known for their beauty...but don't tell any raging rhinos I said that!  
  
Shigure: Oh don't worry, I will! ::Is scribbling furiously onto a notepad.:: Oh ho ho, Mit-chan will love this!  
  
Rei: Lemme see that! ::Grabs notepad.:: Idea for non-fiction book, about fanfiction authors...what is their problem? Why can't they make up their own characters? Why do they waste their lives on other people's garbage, when they could be creating their own?   
  
I don't know. I do it because it's fun. I get obsessed easily. I'm working on an original too. Some people do it because they aren't good at character development, others cos they're bored. And Furuba is not garbage!  
  
Shigure: Yes it is! All it is is angst angst angst! I wanted a giant robot, but would they give me one? Noooo...bastards...that Shinji kid from Eva got one...and he's probably more angsty and pathetic then all of us put together!  
  
Rei: But I dislike giant robots! This is a shojo! Shojo ish so good!  
  
Shigure: Well, you are a girl, aren't you Rei? Naturally, you like shojo.  
  
Rei: Not true! My sister hates it, and contrary to her own wishes, she is a girl! Anyway, how dare you insult the works of your creator! If not for Natsuki Takaya, you'd be nothing, ya hear me? NOTHING! You don't exist outside people's imaginations, so someone had to think you up!  
  
Shigure: Why must we owe everything to our creators? We've got parents, we were born...we're real people, not imaginary.  
  
Rei: No! You're paper! Paper and nothing more!  
  
(Rei no note: Where the hell am I going with this? O_O Oh well...)  
  
Shigure: If I don't exist, why are you arguing with me?  
  
Rei: Because I'm pretending you do!  
  
Shigure: Who knows, maybe it's us who exist, and you who is fictional? Maybe we created Natsuki Takaya, and maybe your own characters created you.  
  
Rei: Okay, I am so turning you into a toad now!  
  
Shigure: How about a dog?  
  
Rei: No! I'm pissed at you, I'm not giving you a hug!  
  
::Everyone else has edged towards the doorway, and Haru is trying to unlock the door.::  
  
Rei: Hey! You can't leave! Get back here! Anyway, so I'm bringing in the psychologist! ^_^ Now we get crazy! Whoosh!  
  
Yuki: I think this has been crazy enough. Can I go home now? I don't like you at all, author-lady. You're creepy...  
  
Rei: Why thank you! Anyway, so our psychologist for today is Dr. Midori Ame! (Rei's note: In previous psyche sessions, I named the doctor after some song I was obsessed with, somehow. There was Dr. Makoto, named for the singer of Across the Tears, Takato of Digimon Tamer's theme! ^_^ There was Dr. Yubiwa, named for...Yubiwa, an Escaflowne song...and there was someone else who I don't remember! ^_^ Anyway, Midori means green, and the artist of my latest obsession is The Brilliant Green. The song is called Rainy, thus, Ame! ^_^ You don't care! Woot!) Welcome, Ame-san!  
  
Ame-san: Hello, Rei. Nice to meet you, Soumas. Honda-san. Hanajima-san. Uotani-san.   
  
Uo: Wait a minute, what am I doing here? I was in the middle of watching Jerry Springer! T_T Those rednecks are funny!  
  
Hana: Hello, Ame-san.  
  
Ayame: ::Has sacks of ice underneath his clothes.:: Brrr...I'm cold! I will transform into a snake now! ::Does so.:: Now, I will go someplace warm! ::Jumps in between Ame-san's...enormous breasts.:: Hehe, I am all warm and snuggly!  
  
Ame-san: AHHHHH!!!! A SNAKE! I HATE SNAKES! MY BROTHER ATE A LIVE ONE ONCE, AND IT WAS CREEPY!   
  
Ayame: I don't know what you're talking about lady, but you surely are well-endowed!  
  
Ame-san: Get out, you pervert!  
  
Ayame: Okay, Ame-san...I don't need boobies anyway, most of what I want only grows on guys like my 'Gure-san! ::Hops into Shigure's pants.:: Ahhh...nice and warm!  
  
Shigure: ^_^ ::Blushes:: Oh Ayame...  
  
::Suddenly, Ayame transforms back, and Shigure's pants split open! And...well, you can guess what Ayame's got in his mouth.  
  
Yuki: Oh...god...that's sick... ::Puts hand over mouth.:: I am going to puke...  
  
Kyou: ::Puts hands over Tohru's eyes.:: You shouldn't see this.  
  
Tohru: My virgin eyes!   
  
Ayame: ::This sounds very muffled, because his mouth is full.:: I didn't know you were a virgin, Tohru-chan!  
  
Tohru: What was that?  
  
Ame-san: Lets...get on with things, shall we?  
  
Shigure: But this feels so gosh-darned good!  
  
Ame-san: Rei, what are you rating this thing?  
  
Rei: Probably R, to be on the safe side. R is the coolest letter in the world. I am a member of the Delegation of the R's!  
  
Yuki: And we care because why...?  
  
Rei: You don't! ::Prances around the room, striking random heads with a mallet.:: Wheeeee!!!  
  
Ritsu: Oww...my head...oh! I'm sorry for thinking I might be worthy of not being hit in the head with your mallet, Rei-sama! Surely I deserve the pain! GOMENASAI!!!! I DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE!!! I WILL GO COMMIT HARAKIRI NOW!  
  
Rei: YAY! Wait, not yay! I don't want monkey-intestines all over my lawn!  
  
Hatori: Okay, first of all, this isn't a lawn, it's an underground prison, and second of all, you haven't got a lawn. You live in the city.  
  
Rei: How do you know this!?  
  
Hatori: It's on the blackboard. ::Points to blackboard that has just appeared out of nowhere.::   
  
Author of the Day: Arrei, aka Rei  
  
DOB: 5/20/88  
  
Gender: A little bit of A, a little bit of B...okay, just female. ^^;   
  
Location: Manhattan, hasn't got a lawn.  
  
Blood Type: O+  
  
Series fanficced: Digimon, Magical Pokemon Journey, Yu-Gi-Oh, Fruits Basket. She has done originals too, mostly involving this kid who she puts through absolute hell for no reason we can discern.  
  
Why she was chosen: She held us up at gunpoint and demanded to be put on the list for today. We think her work is horrible, and she doesn't deserve this honor, but we also value our lives, so...  
  
Rei: Wheee! They actually obeyed my commands! Now I don't have to kill them too much!  
  
Hatori: You're still going to kill them?  
  
Rei: A little, yeah.   
  
Hatori: ::Sighs deeply, then looks at Akito.:: Ne, Akito? Are you still feeling alright?  
  
Akito: ::Is doing cartwheels around the room.:: Never better, Hari! ^_^  
  
Hatori: That's...unnatural. But good...I guess...::Is seriously freaked out.::  
  
Ame-san: Umm...didn't I have a job to do?  
  
Rei: So you did, so you did. ::Is calmly meditative, like Buddha!:: Ohmmmm...  
  
Yuki: Rei, you realize you will never reach Nirvana, so why even try?  
  
Rei: Nirvana...furbies?  
  
Yuki: Who said anything about furbies?  
  
Rei: Well, I just did...  
  
Yuki: You make no sense!  
  
Rei: Thank you! ^_^  
  
Yuki: Rei, I have a question...why are you writing this self-indulgent crap? You know people dislike author stories, and yet you continue to write them. You are not an interesting person, no one wants to read about you, so why do you torment people with your drivel?  
  
Rei: ::Sighs exxageratedly.:: Because I like fried chicken! I thought you of all people would understand that, Yuki.  
  
Tohru: Think of it this way, Souma-kun! If anyone actually reads this thing, which is highly unlikely, you'll be even more well-known then you were before, because one more person is sharing your glory with the world! And surely people know better then to believe Rei's crude representation of you, and your fans might leave flames commenting on how badly portrayed you were, and how wonderful you really are, if only Rei could see that! And, while that will totally destroy Rei's ego, leading her to call her friends and annoy the hell out of them until they tell her how wonderful she is, your ego will go sky-high, possibly growing even larger then Ayame's! ::Tohru's eyes are expanding with every word. I think she is an alien.::  
  
Yuki: Well...that was...something...Tohru-kun...I didn't know you knew how to think...::Image of stupid housekeeping bimbo has just died.::   
  
Tohru: Well, I do have an IQ of 875.  
  
Ayame: Wow, that's completely impossible! But that doesn't matter, because my IQ is 2! Which is probably also impossible! If my IQ were that low, I wouldn't be able to speak, or control my bowel movements! But I can, because I am special! ::Aya can actually speak clearly now, as his mouth is no longer filled with Shigure's stick. Shigure is jerking himself off in the corner.::  
  
Hatori: Would you stop that? Don't you think about anything but sex?!   
  
Shigure: I think about how to write lemon...  
  
Hatori: And how is that not sex?  
  
Shigure: ::Shrugs, and continues masturbating.:: Hey, Hari, you wanna help me? It's more fun that way.  
  
Hatori: No! Shigure, now you know I'm not gay, and...  
  
Shigure: Aw, c'mon, ya know ya are! ::Gives Hatori a noogie. Why, I do not know.::  
  
Hatori: No, actually, I'm not! Remember, I was going to marry Kana? Kana was a woman, in case you're too stupid to notice that yourself!  
  
Shigure: ::Whispers:: But Hari, I've seen the way you look at Akito...with lust in your eyes...  
  
Hatori: That is not true! ::Is blushing beet-red. They hear Akito coughing in the distance, and Hatori swivels his head to look.:: Akito, are you alright?  
  
Akito: Yah, fine, fine. ::Smiles.:: Really great.  
  
Hatori: Then why were you coughing?  
  
Akito: I was eating some popcorn and a kernel got stuck in my throat. ^_^  
  
Hatori: You eat now? Akito, are you sure your digestive system can handle popcorn?   
  
Akito: Yup yup! ^_^  
  
Hatori: Well...okay...as long as you're alright...  
  
Shigure: HA! I knew it, I knew it, Hari's in love with Akito!  
  
Hatori: Shigure, I am merely acting as a proper physician. Of course I'm concerned about his health. It has nothing to do with him personally. Besides, how could I? He...Kana...he took Kana...  
  
Shigure: ::Suddenly looks serious.:: I know it doesn't make any sense, but I think you really do love him, Hatori. And I think you know it too. And...I think this is good for both of you.   
  
Hatori: Right. You just want to videotape us having sex or something.  
  
Shigure: No...Hatori, that's not it...I really...well me and Ayame both, we really want you to be happy...and I think you can be happy with Akito.   
  
Hatori: Why is that?   
  
Shigure: Because he needs someone like you, and you need someone like him.  
  
Hatori: That doesn't mean anything.  
  
Shigure: It does...it's hard to explain it any better then that. You've already forgiven him for what you did to you and Kana, you never really blamed him, did you? He's perfect, blameless in your eyes. You're probably the only one who can love him. And Akito would never hurt you, Hatori, not again. He cares too much about you.  
  
Hatori: Then why did he hurt me in the first place?  
  
Shigure: Maybe he was jealous? ^_^ That Kana was taking you away from him?  
  
Hatori: I doubt that was it.  
  
Shigure: Well, everyone's blind to their own situation. Of course you don't see how much that kid cares about you...and how much you care about him.  
  
Hatori: Enough of this. I'm going to go join the asylum.  
  
Shigure: You mean Rei and the others?  
  
Hatori: Exactly. Coming?  
  
Shigure: Okee dokey! ^_^  
  
Rei: Mwa, where have you two been? Boinking? And me without my camera...  
  
Hatori: We were doing no such thing!  
  
Rei: Aw, it's okay, you can admit it! After all, you're grown men, you can do that if you want, there's no shame in it!  
  
Shigure: Well, actually...we weren't.  
  
Ame-san: Ritsu-san, please stop crying! I know you're sorry you stepped on my foot, but it's okay! Really!  
  
::Ritsu is in a shivering heap on the floor, sobbing and mumbling, 'gomen, gomen' over and over again.::   
  
Ame-san: Ritsu-san, it's not that big a deal! You didn't even hurt me! Now, sit up and stop crying. Everything's okay.  
  
Ritsu: I'm...really...sorry...so sorry...I don't deserve to live!!! ::Ritsu begins clawing at his face, and he's drawing blood.::   
  
Ame-san: Stop that, now, that wont help anything! ::Sighs, and turns to Rei.:: I think I'm going to keep this one on after the session. He really needs help.  
  
Ayame: MOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
Haru: Why do you mock me?  
  
Ayame: I'm not mocking you, I just wanted to relieve the angsty tension!  
  
Rei: Why? Angst is fun, even if this fic wasn't meant to be angsty! What the hell was that stupid thing Shigure said in one of the episodes? Que sera sera! Yeah, that's it! What will be, will be. Angst or humor, I don't give. As long as I've written something half-way decent in the end.  
  
Haru: What about the people who you're ruining in the process?  
  
Rei: Well, since you're not mine, you'll spring back to however you're supposed to be at the moment, according to the genius of Natsuki Takaya, once I'm finished with you! Just be glad you're not my creation...or else this stuff would be permanent.  
  
Haru: Thank god. But wait, in the manga and anime, we're in hell anyway! So it doesn't matter then, does it? Why does everyone hate us? Even our creator is cruel...  
  
Rei: Well, in the anime, the ending was somewhat happy...I guess. Most of you didn't do much. You were just sort of left hanging with your problems...which is how life really works, I guess. And I cant read the manga, because I didn't take advantage of the fact that my best friend in elementary school knew it. She could've taught me, if I'd asked.  
  
Haru: Well, you're just stupid then.  
  
Kyou: I was wondering, Rei, does this fic have any sort of plot? Most fics do...I actually read Furuba slash on a regular basis...it's disturbing stuff, mind you, but I really don't mind the Yuki/me ones...wait did I just say that?! ::Looks down at baby-tee.:: Holy fuck! Listen, people, I really don't love Yuki!  
  
Rei: ::Magically controls Kyou's voicebox.::   
  
Kyou, being controlled by Rei: Actually, I adore him! I love him so much I wanna marry him and move to Jupiter and have hermaphroditic babies with him!  
  
::Kyou regains control of his voice.::   
  
Kyou: Lies! Why would I want a hermaphroditic baby? The poor kid'd just be miserable!   
  
Rei: ::Smirks.:: So this means you do want Yuki?   
  
Kyou: Maybe...  
  
Rei: On Jupiter! ^_^  
  
Kyou: You're psychotic.  
  
Rei; Thanky swanky!   
  
Kyou: Also...I'd like to, erm, thank you...I've noticed a distinct lack of Kagura in this fic, and that makes me very happy. You can be really nice if you try, you know?  
  
::Suddenly, Kagura bursts in!::   
  
Kagura: Sorry I'm late, there were magical robots imprisoning me in my room! They kept saying I had to stay away so that the Kyoki could happen! What's Kyoki? Is it a kind of goat? Anyway, the robots just disappeared, so I came as fast as I could! ::Glomps Kyou.:: Allo, Kyou-kun!  
  
Kyou: You are a cruel, cruel woman, Rei. ::Glares::  
  
Kagura: Did you do something to my Kyou? ::Tackles Rei.:: I'LL KEEEEEEELLL YOU!!!!! ::Begins beating Rei with a club. Rei blinks stupidly and takes out a book.:: Why isn't it working??? GRRR! I anger!  
  
Rei: Because I've decided for no apparent reason that your club is as light as a feather.  
  
Kagura: You cant do that!  
  
Yuki: She can. And I'm not explaining why again! I'm sick of being the only one who knows stuff!  
  
Shigure: Maybe you've inherited a bit of your 'nii-san's arrogance, Yuki-kun?  
  
Yuki: I am nothing like him, and I never will be!  
  
Shigure: Well...yeah, you kind of are. Anyway, it's okay! We all love Aya, so we're happy that you're starting to resemble him!  
  
Ayame: Really? ^_^ I feel so special now!  
  
Shigure: Yes really, you is my bestest friend in all of ever! You and Tori-chan! Whee!  
  
Ayame: Yay!  
  
Yuki: You people sicken me.  
  
Kyou: Everything sickens you. You're very repetitive, you know that Yuki?  
  
Yuki: No, you are. .  
  
Kyou: Urm...okay...-.-;  
  
Kagura: Okay, I'm starting a revolution! We're going to kill the author! Who will join me in this noble quest?  
  
Kyou: Sure, whatever. She's been humiliating me since she started this damn fic, I'd love to kill her.  
  
Rei: I'm just trying to make sure you and Yuki will be happy together! ^_^ Yay, Kyoki!  
  
Kyou: What is this Kyoki? Explain this please?  
  
Rei: Well first of all, it means insanity in Japanese, but you all know that, because you all speak Japanese! ^_^ I know that cos of my dictionary!  
  
Kyou: Wait...you're speaking English, aren't you!? How are we communicating at all?  
  
Rei: Babel fishes! ::Pulls fish out Kyou's ear.::  
  
What Kyou hears Rei saying: Blah blah blah blah blah!   
  
What Rei is saying: Blah blah blah blah grandpa! ^_^  
  
Kyou: I had a fish in my ear?  
  
Rei: Yep! It translates languages so you hear Japanese when I'm speaking English, and I have one which lets me hear English when you guys are speaking Japanese! And I totally ripped this off Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy!  
  
Kyou: Okay...so kyoki means insanity. Of course it's insane for me and Yuki to be together!  
  
Rei: Also, it's a combination of your name, Kyou, from that we take Kyo, and we take the Ki from Yuki's name! ^_^  
  
Kyou: O_O; Why did you waste your time thinking this up?  
  
Rei: I didn't...I'm sure someone else already thought of it.  
  
Hiro: Kisa...I've been wanting to tell you something for a long time now...  
  
Rei: ::Zooms in to the little kiddlywinks...who are actually only 2 and 3 years younger then herself...but they're short goddamn it!:: Oooh, this should be interesting!  
  
Hiro: Would you get out of here? I'm trying to tell Kisa something very important!  
  
Kisa: I'm sorry, author-person, but could you please go away?  
  
Rei: Absolutely not! Now continue with your mushy, lovey-dovey crap.  
  
Hiro: Don't you have yaoi to be looking at?   
  
Rei: But almost no one here wants to be all yaoi-ish! You guys are too chaste! Just boink each other already! Most of you are old enough!  
  
Hatori: Who are you asking to do this?  
  
Rei: Any two males, but I'd prefer Yuki and Kyou, or Hatori and Akito. ^^; Shigure and Ayame ish good too. Also, I'd like to see two females get it on!  
  
Shigure: Hear that, Aya? Lets give the authoress what she wants, okay?  
  
Ayame: Okay! ^_^ ::Ayame begins undoing Shigure's kimono, while Shigure takes off Ayame's red dress thing.::  
  
Hatori: Put your clothes back on, both of you! This is disgraceful! Honestly, are you people drunk?  
  
Shigure: Nah, we're just horny and crazy, like always!  
  
Hatori: I've actually known you both to behave quite differently.  
  
Ayame: Hehe, we have multiple personalities!  
  
Hatori: No, you don't!  
  
Kagura: Hey, people! Revolution! Who has a machine gun?  
  
Akito: Machine guns? Where? I have always wanted a machine gun! It's the only thing I ever wanted!  
  
Kagura: Have you got one?  
  
Akito: Nope, gomen. But author killy ish fun! ::Akito is stuffing his face with cotton candy.:: Yay author killy! ^_^  
  
Hatori: He's so much happier now...  
  
Akito: ::Walks up to Ayame, and dumps an empty spam can on his head.:: I dub thee the queen of spam!   
  
Ayame: Yay! Finally I am royalty!  
  
Akito: And if Ayame is the king, then Yuki is the princess! And Shigure can be the king! ^_^ Yay! ::Dances around Ayame.::  
  
Hatori: He's acting so weird...maybe he's got some kind of brain disease...  
  
Rei: Nope! He's a happy, healthy dodo-head, because I felt like making him that way!  
  
Ayame: Spam royal family! Yay! What will you be, Akito?  
  
Akito: Hmm, maybe I could be royal magician man!  
  
Ayame: Okay!   
  
Hatori: Well, I guess, it's okay...I like to see him happy.  
  
Rei: Really? Me too! But later, I will brutally rip that happiness away, because that makes me feel really good!   
  
Hatori: Thats...er...twisted.  
  
Rei: Yup yup! ^_^ Though he's being cute right now, I'm pretty sure I'd like to put him through hell later! A meat grinder, maybe?  
  
Hatori: You can't stick him in a meat grinder, that's inhuman!  
  
Rei: And who said I was human? =3  
  
Hatori: Well...you are, aren't you?  
  
Rei: Could be! Probably am, but that doesn't mean I am!  
  
Ame-san: Rei, can I please, please do my job now? These people really need my help, and...  
  
Rei: Help, schmelp, go shovel pig slop, Midori!  
  
Ame-san: Listen, this was your brilliant idea! You kidnapped me in the middle of a session with a very disturbed patient! @_@ I'm pretty worried about her, actually. She's, like, suicidal...she was trying to eat the paint on the walls when we started...  
  
Rei: Well moo to you! Fine, fine, psychologize these guys all you want...I was having so much fun though...T_T  
  
Ame-san: But these people's mental health is at stake! I've been observing them, and they're all nuts! You are too, but I think you're a hopeless case, Rei. If people enjoy being crazy, there's really nothing I can do for them.  
  
::Suddenly, Ayame pounces on her back.::   
  
Ayame: The dandelions...got me...watch out for the...dandelions...::Transforms into a snake from hugging Midori.::  
  
Ame-san: ACK! Snakes again! What is with all these snakes?  
  
Rei: ::Shrugs, and glomps Yuki. Yuki transforms into a nezumi!::  
  
Yuki: O.O;  
  
Ayame: Suddenly I'm...hungry...I want very much to eat little mices...ohhh...Yuki-kun, would you mind crawling inside my mouth for just a second? I wont eat you, I promise! ^^; I just wanna taste you! Please? For your onii-san?  
  
Yuki: No! ::Transforms back. Kyou covers Tohru's eyes, but is using his own eyes to ogle the nekkid Yuki-kun!::  
  
Tohru: It's like I'm blind or something, half the time Kyou's covering my eyes! I've seen Yuki naked a million times, Kyou, it's no big deal!  
  
Kyou: You...have? WHEN WAS THIS?!!?!!  
  
Yuki: Well, all the transformations, that time when I tried to have sex with her but it didn't work because I kept transforming, and she didn't want to that much because she didn't want to lose her virginity until she was married, and she said I smelled like cabbage anyway, which kind of turned her off, and once she walked in on me in the bath...  
  
Kyou: YOU TRIED TO WHAT?!  
  
Yuki: Um...have sex with her? Don't tell me you haven't tried, Kyou-kun.  
  
Kyou: You've been saying it makes you sick to see Ayame and Shigure hit on each other, but you think this is acceptable?! What is wrong with you? This is Tohru we're talking about, not some random whore! It's Tohru!  
  
Yuki: She's hot, I can't help it. You know, hormones and all that.   
  
Kyou: But she's Tohru! Besides, I thought you were gay!  
  
Yuki: I've been trying to convince myself my whole life that I'm not.  
  
Kyou: Yuki, that's fucked up! TOHRU!? Our innocent little Tohru!?   
  
Yuki: Kyou, she's seventeen. Almost eighteen. She's more then old enough, but she obviously doesn't want to, so I'm not going to try again. I'm not a rapist, Kyou.  
  
Kyou: Yeah, you are! You tried to rape her!  
  
Yuki: She was consenting at first, but then she changed her mind.  
  
Kyou: This is nasty! Yuki, I thought maybe I was in love with you, but this is just wrong! If you'd do something like that to Tohru...  
  
Tohru: Kyou-kun, it's okay, really! Yuki-kun didn't do anything wrong, and he stopped as soon as I told him I didn't want to! Really!   
  
Yuki: ::Smirks.:: See?  
  
Ayame: ::Aya walks up to Yuki and hugs him around the neck.:: Ototo-kun is all grown up! And a pervert, just like me! I couldn't be more proud! (The two brothers are both in human form now, and completely naked. Rei is taking pictures and bringing in her artist friend, Rura, to sketch this little picture, for it appears incesty. ^_^)  
  
Rei: Rura-oneesan! ::Glomps:: Will you sketch this piccy please please?  
  
Rura: Hai, imoto-chan! ::Begins sketching, then magically disappears.::   
  
Kyou: Where did she go?  
  
Rei: T_T She's really in Cuba, and I can't force real people to be here for more then ten seconds before they go away! I miss Rura-chan! T_T  
  
Yuki: Get the hell off of me! ::Shoves Ayame off his back and begins clothing himself. Ayame has not yet bothered to put clothes on. Shigure is ogling him lots.::  
  
Ayame: Hatori-san, why wont you look at my naked glory?  
  
Hatori: Huh? Oh god, Ayame! Clothes, now!  
  
Ayame: ::Bursts into tears.:: Hari hates me...!  
  
Hatori: That's not true, I just think you're being indecent!  
  
Shigure: Hari, you apologize to Ayame! ::Hugs Aya protectively.:: Don't cry, it's okay, Hatori's just being a conservative jerk.  
  
Ayame: Yeah, he's a big meanie-head.  
  
Shigure: ::Snickers.:: Heh, I like that insult. Meanie-head. It's perfect for you Hari! ::Sticks his tongue out at Hatori.:: Hey, Tori-san, you're a giant meanie-head!   
  
Hatori: Could you be any more immature?  
  
Rei: Yes they can! ::Transforms Ayame and Shigure into babies!::   
  
Ayame: WAAAAAAHHHHH!!!   
  
Shigure: WAAAAAAHHHHH!!! ::A loud, plopping noise is heard.::  
  
Rei: Oh dear, Shi-chan has shit his non-existent diapers...someone go get him a fresh one, okay?  
  
Yuki: ::Picks up his brother.:: Damn, this is freaky...um...blah. Aya, quit crying.  
  
Ayame: No! ::Pokes Yuki very hard in the eye.:: WAAAAAAHHHHH!!!  
  
Hatori: Oh god, why must this be? Why are they babies?!?  
  
Rei: ::Shrugs.:: I ran out of good ideas.  
  
Hatori: I've yet to see one single good idea in this fic!  
  
Rei: I haven't seen any either, but that's okay, because of bumblebees!  
  
Hatori: Bumblebees? What...?  
  
Rei: Haven't you figured out by now that nothing I say makes sense?  
  
Hatori: Well, yes, but...  
  
Rei: Someone has got to get Shigure a diaper! He's shitting again! I think he's got diarrhea!   
  
Shigure: I made a big poopie, mommy!  
  
Rei: That's nice. ::Goes and gets a diaper.:: Okay, who knows how to diaper a baby?  
  
Tohru: Oooh! I know how! I just love babies! They're soooo kawaii! Shigure, you're such a cute little baby, yes you are! ::Does up the diaper.:: And Ayame is adorable too!  
  
Rei: If you pay me 9 billion dollars you can adopt them!  
  
Tohru: But they aren't yours to sell. And I don't have any...dollars. I have some yen, but not 9 billion.  
  
Rei: Actually, I think I will take them home with me! I love babies lots! Though my mom will probably be wondering where I got them...  
  
Yuki: Hey, you cant just take them! And you've got to turn them back, Ayame's even more annoying as a baby! He's gnawing on my head! And if Shigure's a baby, how will we pay the rent? And cable, and phone, and all those other necessities!  
  
Kyou: What about water and electricity?  
  
Yuki: Who cares about water?! We wont have Internet!   
  
Tohru: I know! You guys could both get jobs, and I'll work full-time!  
  
Kyou: Tohru-kun, didn't you want to graduate?  
  
Tohru: Well, yes...I really did, after all, I promised okaa-san I would, but I can give up my dreams if necessary! ^_^  
  
Yuki: Tohru we can't let you do that. Kyou and I don't particularly care what we do after school, so we'll get jobs, and you can just graduate, okay?   
  
Kyou: Hey, I care! I wanna go to college and all that shit. I wanna get a decent job, and I want to move someplace far away from all you psychos!  
  
Yuki: I'd like to do exactly the same thing, but what can we do? We've got to have somewhere to live, and we need money. We cant get money from school.  
  
Kyou: This sucks. Our whole futures are ruined thanks to this stupid authoress!  
  
Tohru: Don't worry guys, it'll be okay! Rei said that everything would go back to normal once she's done with us!  
  
Rei: Who said I was ever going to be done with you? ::Grins evilly.:: I could easily have this stuff last forever, if I want.   
  
Shigure: Goo...  
  
Ayame: Weeki weeki! Feekinugs! Moogy schmoogy!  
  
Tohru: Wow, such complicated dialogue for such a little baby!  
  
Kagura: He's quoting Bad Art Collection.  
  
Tohru: Wow! And he can read too! That's amazing!  
  
Kagura: Oh come on, the BAC doesn't really require any reading skills, all you need is a deep appreciation of dooky jokes and suicidal fried chicken.   
  
Rei: I love it so!  
  
Kagura: I know...  
  
Ayame: Kiwi!  
  
Tohru: That's his first real word! Since he turned into a baby, that is. Wow, that's amazing! Most babies say 'Dada' or 'Mama' but he said kiwi! Wow!  
  
Ayame; Toe-roo...::Drools::  
  
Tohru: He said my name! He said my name!!! ::Squeals stupidly.::  
  
Yuki: Tohru, how many times has he said your name before? Why does it excite you now?  
  
Tohru: ::Picks up Ayame and kisses his head.:: I love him! Your mommy was soooo lucky to have a baby like you, Ayame-chan! ^_^  
  
Kyou: Maybe, but she was pretty unlucky ten years later when she had a baby like Yuki-chan.   
  
Yuki: Shut up!  
  
Kyou: Make me!  
  
Yuki: I will! ::Punches his head.::  
  
Kyou: Owwww...fuck you, Yuki! Why're you so much stronger then me, you little freak? It's not fair, I wanna be better then you!   
  
Yuki: Yeah, that'll happen.   
  
Ayame: ::Spits up on Tohru's dress.:: Sowwy Toe-roo. ^_^  
  
Tohru: Oh, so cuuuute! ^_^ ::She hugs Ayame, and he turns into a little baby snake!::  
  
Ayame: Hiss, hiss.  
  
Ame-san: Why do you keep ignoring me? I've got a job to do, you know!  
  
Rei: Really now, are you the person I called to wax the skeletons I keep lying around? Because I don't want them waxed.  
  
Ame-san: GRRRR!!! ::Fumes.::   
  
::Shigure is crawling around, and he plows into her leg.::  
  
Ame-san: OWWWW!!! I am so angry now! Okay! I'm going to ask you all a question! Mwa ha ha ha! Okay tell me about the most recent dream you had!  
  
Yuki: Last night I dreamed that a cat and a snake were trying to eat me, and this birdy-thing was whipping me, and this giant riceball was asking us to please stop fighting.  
  
Ame-san: Hmm, that's an interesting dream. It could have many meanings.  
  
Kyou: I can interpret it in a minute. Yuki's scared of me, Ayame, and Akito, and that he likes Tohru. ::Snorts.:: Fucking pervert, raping Tohru...  
  
Yuki: I didn't rape her! . And I don't like her! Not anymore!  
  
Kyou: Oh really? Do you like anyone now?  
  
Yuki: Well...sometimes, I sort of, kind of like you, a little, but most of the time I don't, and...well I fantasize about you alot!  
  
Kyou: O_O;; ::Kyou's having a brain spasm!:: D-does this mean you wanna have relationship, then...? O_O;;;  
  
Yuki: I don't know...I hate you, but I find you sexually attractive! If we could just fuck with no strings attached...  
  
Kyou: Sorry, Yuki, but that's not what I want...I want a real relationship with you, and if I can't have that, it's not worth it.  
  
Yuki: But you're supposed to hate me too! That's how it's supposed to be, that's how its always been!  
  
Kyou: Gomen...I can't hate you, Yuki. I want to, but I can't...Yuki I think I'm in love with you.  
  
Yuki: You cant be. I...  
  
Kyou: I am. In every way. I do want to have sex with you, but I also want to have a decent conversation with you. I want to have a life with you.  
  
Yuki: No...no...that's not right, you can't...oh Kyou...::Yuki ish crying now. Poor nezumi ish so confused.::  
  
Ame-san: Good, good air your feelings.  
  
Rei: Shhh! Stupid lady, you're not a marriage counselor!  
  
Ame-san: They're not married!  
  
Rei: They will be if I have anything to do with it!  
  
::Suddenly, Yuki is wearing a wedding dress, and Kyou is wearing a tuxedo! ^^;  
  
Rei: I, the almighty Rei-sama, now pronounce you husband and wife!  
  
Yuki & Kyou: O.O;;;  
  
Kyou: Well...I guess...okay, if we have no choice.  
  
Yuki: No no no no!!! I wanna fuck and that's it! I want to marry a girl and make her pregnant!  
  
Kyou: Well you've got a pretty limited range then, Yuki. There are only three girls who you wont transform on, one of them's crazy in love with me, one of them is taken by Hiro, and the other is...well she's Rin. I don't know. I don't think she'll go for you. So sorry, but it'll be kind of hard for you to pass on your DNA, unless you're up for raping on of them.  
  
Yuki: Hatori was going to get married...  
  
Hatori: And I transformed. Kana and I couldn't have had children unless we did artificial insemination or something.  
  
Kyou: Yuki, lets just get married, okay? I'll make you happy, I promise. ^_^  
  
Yuki: No! Kyou, I hate you! I dont want to be married to you! And why am I wearing a wedding dress? I'm a guy!  
  
Rei: You look soooo cute! ::Takes pictures.:: Hehe, Yuki-kun in a wedding dress...yummy...hehe.  
  
Kyou: You are a pervert, Rei. You're getting your kicks from an animated guy in a wedding dress?  
  
Rei: It's not the best image my mind has conjured up Furuba-wise. Hatori giving Akito a bath, now that's attractive.   
  
Hatori: What's so attractive about that? I only do it when he's too weak to do it himself, which is not a good thing!  
  
Rei: Yesh it is! ^_^  
  
Ame-san: It looks like this union really isn't a good idea. You'll only hurt each other.  
  
Rei: And that's exactly why you're married! Kyou-kun, you may kiss the bride!  
  
Kyou: Well, alright. Yuki, don't kill me...::He leans into Yuki, and presses his lips against his.::  
  
Rei: Awwww... ^_^ I am happy now!  
  
Yuki: ::Yuki is actually liking it, but doesn't want to admit it. When Kyou slips his tongue in his mouth, Yuki goes bright red! They part, and Rei is watching them with huge shining eyes.::  
  
Rei: Okay, now that you're married, you can take on these babies to raise! ::Points to Ayame and Shigure.:: Seeing as their parents are probably not up for raising them a second time, and you guys cant have kids anyway, unless you go to Wyoming, the land that doesn't exist! Everything that's impossible happens there!  
  
Yuki: Can't you just age them?  
  
Rei: I could, but I dont want to! ^_^ They's such sweet little babies!   
  
::At that moment, Ayame is ripping Tohru's hair out of her head, and Shigure is tearing the pages out on one of Hatori's old medical textbooks. It cost him about $300, well that in yen, anyway.::  
  
Hatori: Shigure, put that down! ::Rescues textbook.:: Do not ever touch that again, you hear me?!  
  
Shigure: ::Starts crying.::  
  
Tohru: Oh, Hatori, you're being too mean to him! He's just a baby, he doesn't understand what he's done wrong!   
  
Hatori: Baby or not, I can't have him destroying my stuff!  
  
::Shigure now has his hand down his diaper. He's re-discovered his genitals!::   
  
Tohru: Ack! Shi-chan, now you stop that! Bad boy! I'm sorry, but that is simply not appropriate to do in public.  
  
Shigure: ::He completely ignores her. He is talking to his testicles.:: You Mooky...you Spooky, an' you Stick.   
  
Tohru: We'll have to...teach you proper...behavior...right...  
  
Kyou: Well, I guess I'm his dad now, so I can probably teach him a few things.  
  
Yuki: You're the dad?! So what does that make me, Mommy?   
  
Kyou: I guess so?  
  
Tohru: Can I help, please? I'd really love to help look after the babies, at least until I manage to have some of my own.  
  
Haru: Tohru, you are too young for that! But listen, if you're so stuck on having kids, why dont you have my baby?  
  
Momiji: Haru! I thought you liked me! ::Glomps Haru:: You're so mean!!! I love you Haru-chan!!! .  
  
Haru: Of course I love you, Momiji, but it would be nice to have someone to bear my children.  
  
Tohru: Oh, no thank you Haru-san! Someday I'm going to get married and have babies. ^_^ I don't want any bastard children!  
  
Hatori: Excuse me, but what is wrong with being illegitimate? For your information, both Shigure and I were born out of wedlock.   
  
Tohru: Really? That's interesting.  
  
Ame-san: Actually, that could reveal important things about your psyche! Hatori, do you feel your mother did an adequate job at raising you?  
  
Hatori: Yes, I think she did wonderfully. Especially compared to my aunts...they were really dispicable mothers.   
  
Ame-san: How so?  
  
Hatori: Well, Shigure's mom was a drunken idiot who usually couldn't even remember who he was, except when she was angry at him, which was almost always. And Ayame's mom was okay, but she kept trying to make him into this genius, which he wasn't, he was actually kind of stupid...and she basically ignored Yuki.  
  
Ame-san: Wow, really? Yuki, is this true? How do you feel about this?  
  
Yuki: ::Shrugs.:: Everyone ignored me when I was a kid. I didn't expect Mom to pay attention to me, so it didn't really bother me...except sometimes I'd see some kid being hugged by their mother, and that kind of got to me. But other then that, I didn't really care.  
  
Momiji: My mommy hated me! ^_^ It's cos I turn into a rabbit!  
  
Akito: Um, 'scuse me? But should you really be telling her that? Remember, the secret???  
  
Rei: Oh come on, how many transformations have there been so far?  
  
Akito: Lots? I will go do the cancan now!   
  
Hatori: Akito, maybe you should calm down. I know, you're a little over-excited right now, because you feel so great, but remember what Rei said? You're going to be three times as sick later on, and you really shouldn't make it even worse.  
  
Akito: ::Sighs deeply.:: But I was having so much fun...  
  
Hatori: I know...hey you know what? To hell with that, just go have fun. This'll probably be your only chance to do that anyway.   
  
Akito: Yay! ::Hugs Hatori.:: I'm gonna go get ice cream! Want some, Hari?  
  
Hatori: Um, sure. ^^;  
  
Rei: Ey, Yuki, Kyou! Where are you guys going for your honeymoon?  
  
Yuki: What honeymoon? Huh? Who said anything about a honeymoon? I'm not going anywhere with Kyou!  
  
Rei: Oh yes you are! I got you round trip, first class tickets to the Burmuda Triangle!  
  
Kyou: Okay...thank you...Rei...::Twitches.::  
  
Hiro: Guys! I know you've been completely ignoring us for the entire fic, but...Kisa and I have an announcement. We're engaged!  
  
Kagura: Holy fuck, you guys are what? Eight?  
  
Kisa: ::Holds up thirteen fingers. We don't know how she does this, seing as she has your typical amount of fingers, 10. Do you know that the gene for 6 fingers is dominant? Makes you wonder why almost everyone has five of em.::  
  
Hiro: And I'm twelve. But listen, we don't care. We're made for eachother, so once we finish up school, we'll get married. That wont be for quite alot of years, but...we're engaged now, anyway. Kisa's my fiance. Kisa wants Tohru to be her maid of honor, okay Tohru? And since Kisa is also an illegitimate child, (her dad split once he found out she turned into a tiger) she wants her three 'grandfathers' to walk her down the aisle. By the time we get married we'll probably be eighteen (well Kisa'll be nineteen), and we're not going to have six-year-olds to do that job, so Rei, you have to turn Ayame and Shigure back.  
  
Rei: But...I don't want to! T_T They's such cute babies!   
  
Hiro: No they aren't. They dont look anything like Kisa. Kisa is the only remotely attractive person in existence.   
  
Rei: Well thats not very nice...anyway, since I think it's a really cute image, those guys walking her down the aisle, I'll turn them back...  
  
Hatori: Thank god!  
  
Tohru: No! You can't, I wanted...babies...  
  
Haru: Biological clock ticking, Tohru-kun? Listen I told you, I'm always open. If you want kids, just come to me.   
  
Momiji: Haru, I wish you wouldn't be so rude to Tohru! ::Momiji is grabbing Haru's jacket VERY tightly.::  
  
Haru: Okay, fine Miji, I'll leave her alone. But my offer still stands, if she's interested.  
  
Momiji: .   
  
Tohru: It's okay, Haru, really. ^^;  
  
Rei: I am transforming them back! Wheee!!   
  
::Suddenly, Ayame and Shigure are once again, 27 years old! And Shigure's still wearing a diaper!::  
  
Shigure: Urm...what just happened? The only thing I remember is Mooky, Spooky, and Stick. O.O But I don't know what that is. And why am I wearing a diaper?  
  
Hatori: Here are your clothes, the both of you.   
  
Ayame: Thank you Tori-san!  
  
Hatori: No problem.  
  
Shigure: Ne, Hari...I wanna talk to you...::Shigure's clothes are on now.:: C'mere.  
  
Hatori: What? ::The two of them stride off into a corner.:: If this is a come-on, you're dead, Shigure!  
  
Shigure: Nope nope, don't worry Tori-san. ^^; I was just thinking, before I had that big blank period which I don't remember anything about, now would be an exellent time to make your move on Akito! He's in a really good mood, so he'll probably take it very well!  
  
Hatori: Shigure, I never said I liked him! I don't, really. I mean, I don't dislike him like most everyone else does, but I...I don't feel that way about him.  
  
Shigure: Right...I know better then to believe that, Hari. You heard Kyou before, denying how much he loved Yuki, right? But then all of a sudden he wants to marry him. Obviously, he was lying before. And you can see Yuki's feeling the same way, he just wont admit it. I think you're acting just like them. You love Akito, but you just cant accept it! Because its too wild for you, right Hari? Too dangerous. You could get hurt.  
  
Hatori: That is not it! I just don't have any feelings for him, period!  
  
Shigure: Then why are you blushing?  
  
Hatori: You're making me nervous with your bullshit, that's why!  
  
::Akito walks over, two ice cream cones in hand.::  
  
Akito: Hari! I got you pistachio flavor, that's your favorite, right? ::Hands Hatori the ice cream.::  
  
Hatori: Um, yeah, thats it. What kind did you get for yourself?  
  
Akito: The one with the chocolate and the nuts and the marshmallows...I don't know what its called.  
  
Hatori: Rocky Road?  
  
Akito: Yeah, that's it. Hehe, I've eaten waaay too much junk food today. I'll pay for it later, I know, but today's been a great day...  
  
Hatori: Really? It's been awful for me, what with that stupid author forcing us into her prison...I cannot stand that woman, honestly. Where does she get off, messing with our lives? Why does it give her pleasure?  
  
Akito: I don't know...but Hari I really like her. She gave me a day where I didn't want to die. That's really something for me, to want to live. I know it'll be all over soon, but...at least theres these 24 hours...::Akito sighs deeply. Poor baby doesn't wanna be sick again!::  
  
Hatori: Maybe they'll be more time, later. When we're back to our normal lives, maybe someday...you can be healthy again, happy. I'll try to make this happen again...for you...Akito.  
  
Akito: ^_^ I don't believe a word you say, Hari, but it's sweet anyway.   
  
Hatori: It's hard to believe it myself, but I promise you I will try.   
  
Shigure: Awww, so sweet! ::Wanders over to the others. Yuki and Kagura are currently engaged in a spitting contest, with an enraged Kyou as the target!::  
  
Kagura: Ha! Got his eye!   
  
Kyou: Damn Kagura, your saliva's like acid! You're gonna blind me! And Yuki don't you dare spit at me!   
  
Yuki: ::Spits at Kyou's baby-tee, straight onto the name Yuki.::  
  
Kyou: Haha, you spit on your name! ^_^  
  
Yuki: Goddamn it!  
  
Kyou: If you guys spit at me one more time, I'm gonna kill you both!  
  
Kagura: If you do, I'll go banana's and throw you to another planet!  
  
Rei: Throw him and Yuki to Jupiter!  
  
Kagura: Can do! ::Lifts them up in the air.:: Wait a minute...I am not letting them have any hermephroditic babies! Rei, I can't believe you forced them into marriage! I wanted you to do that with me and Kyou! ::Sets the two hight-dizzy juunishi down.::  
  
Yuki: Gonna throw up now...  
  
Kyou: Me too... ::Both of them vomit their guts. Methinks Yuki's used to this, he's probably bulimic. ^^;::  
  
Ame-san: Listen, Rei, if you're not going to allow me to do my job, then I'm leaving, do you hear me?   
  
Ritsu: ::He's clinging to her ankle and sobbing.:: Gomen...gomen...  
  
Ame-san: He's coming with me...poor thing has really snapped.   
  
Rei: Okay, Rit-chan, feel better! Byebye Midori, I wont miss you at all! ^_^  
  
Ame-san: Rei, I'm afraid your rental on the place ends in two seconds. If you don't all get out now, giant killer Hello Kitties will come tear out your eyeballs.   
  
Rei: Well then, as much as I'd like to stick around, I don't fancy having my eyes torn out! So I'll just be running away now! Anyone who enjoys having eyes, follow me!  
  
::All follow, aside from Ritsu, who is carried by Ame-san. She feels so sorry for him.::  
  
Hatori: We're free! We're finally free! It's so great to see the sun again!  
  
Akito: ::Collapses to the ground.:: Hari...I...::Begins coughing and vomiting blood in vast quantities.:: Oh god...ahh...Hari...  
  
Hatori: ::Picks up Akito, easily, as Hatori probably weighs twice as much as Akito, and is certainly twice as strong.:: I'll get you home, don't worry. You'll be fine.  
  
Rei: Oh no he wont! ^_^  
  
Kyou: Are Yuki and I still married?  
  
Rei: Legally, no, as I'm not licensed to marry people! But if you don't want to find monkey-spleens in your toaster for the rest of your lives, you'll get married for real!  
  
Kyou: You said you couldn't control us once you let us go.  
  
Rei: I can always regain control. Thats the glory of being a fanfic author! ^_^  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~   
  
Rei: Okee dokey, I'm done! That made no sense whatsoever, did it? Ah well, I liked writing it anyway. Please leave a reveiw! ^^ Blah, this was another fic done in two days. God I have a lot of time on my hands. ^^; Anyway, thanks for reading my pointless crap! 


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